Replacing the toilet paper – a step closer to world peace

Photo by Jasmin Sessler on Unsplash

We live in an ever-changing and tumultuous world. In our fast-paced lifestyles we can often lose focus of the smaller yet vital issues.

By paying more attention to these life rules we can all do our bit toward making the world a better place to live.

Replacing toilet paper rolls brings world peace.

This takes monkeys between 5 to 10 seconds to do, tops. If this is too much time out of your hectic schedule, at least just put a fresh roll on the floor.

If there’s none available and you were the lucky last wiper then alert your host or staff or somebody who can help.

We all know the despair that is soon followed by violent rage when we discover the dreaded empty roll.

There is simply no excuse for this unless you know for a fact the next person to use the toilet is opposed to vaccinating children and is a proud dumper of asbestos.

No, empty milk and juice cartons should not go back into the fridge.

Someone enjoys a refreshing glass of milk or juice and realize there’s only a tiny bit left. A half sip at most.

Their very clear choices are to either:

A: drink it all and replace it or

B: drink it all and throw it away

Crushed with responsibility and not being able to decide, they shrug and put it back. At least the next person gets a sip.

This is crueler than toilet paper crimes as people get their hopes up for a millisecond, before the anger takes over.

If you live with just one other person this could get very ugly.

Meet you at 7:00 means 7:00 or before.

Whether it’s for a wedding or to get a coffee on a Tuesday morning, try to arrive at the agreed time. The other person or people did.

Running late doesn’t make someone look busy or interesting, it makes them look rude.

People can lose jobs over lateness so it’s only fair they should be punished in social settings as well. Footing the bill is a good start, or unblocking sewage pipes.

Only car accidents, muggings or natural disasters are acceptable excuses.

“I couldn’t find a car space…” or “It took simply ages to get Nathaniel dressed” is not.

Parking Hell

In the good old days folks could just ride into town on a horse, then tie it up to a post.

This was nice and simple until cars came along, introducing the nice and simple concept of parking a car.

Basically, put it between 2 lines, allowing others to come and go freely.

Failing to do so leaves someone wide open.

Not just to public vilification and lynching but also to messages being left under their wipers. These messages are often creative and usually obscene with suggestions for the offender to insert things in certain places.

Walking + phone = No

Any politician seeking easy votes only needs to promise walking lanes or colliding lanes for phone users.

Just like cyclists have their own lanes on roads, it’s time to recognize the rights of people walking and phone-looking.

Special lanes can be created in areas with high foot traffic. This way, those who choose to walk in busy areas while checking their Instagram likes can do so in peace, without the hassle of bumping into annoying strangers who are trying to get somewhere.

Obviously if everyone in the phone lane has their heads down there will be plenty of collisions and accidents but they’ll get used to it.

The rest of us will just walk peacefully to our destinations, letting our phones know who’s boss.

Scan now, play later

As a parent it’s your right to give unconditional love to your child and provide them with every opportunity of new experiences.

Letting them attempt to scan items at a supermarket is not one of these times.

No matter how adorable you think it may be for your loved one/s to try 12 times to scan a toothbrush, the people waiting in line are dying slow deaths.

They all have somewhere to go, whether it’s to deliver a baby, clean out some earwax or just sit in their car.

The great Dalai Lama implored us to be mindful and considerate of others.

He was especially referring to supermarket lines.


  1. Dear Gustoker, this struck a chord with me, especially the loo paper & empty cartons back in the frig. Made me chuckle as well as remind me of how angrily I can react in these situations. Entertaining, with an edge to it. More please, Anne Philipson.


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