Dumb and dumbest travel questions

Fingers crossed that international travel will be on again in the not too distant future. Until then, try to avoid asking these questions to hard-working travel and embassy staff. Or please ask – for their amusement.

Whenever we do or say something stupid we comfort ourselves with the thought “There’s probably someone dumber than me out there…surely…”.

Travelling overseas is one of the most exciting things we can experience. New cultures, sights and food but for some it can be a tad stressful and even traumatic.

Most people rely on common sense or do some research to quell any concerns or fears.

They certainly don’t bother hapless embassy and airline staff with ridiculous questions relating to their travels.

Thankfully some people do bother staff with ridiculous questions which gives us the chance to share them with you.

Sit back and marvel. For laughs, think up your original responses. We’ve included a few of our own.

  • I’ve run out of money buying a new dog. Can the embassy pay for me and my dog to come home?

(The dog – yes)

  • I snuck into the country illegally but want to leave now. I need the Embassy to tell me how I can slip out of the country without getting in trouble?

(Just climb into a suitcase and wait at the airport)

  • Will there be noisy guests at the hotel?

(We certainly hope so)

  • Is it safe to drink the bath water in Mexico?

( Yes, Mexico has some of the world’s safest bath drinking water)

  • Has the cruise ship ever sunk?

(Not this year)

  • What time does the sun come up in Australia?

(Traditionally, when night has finished)

  • Can you book two rooms in different parts of the resort? One for me and my wife, one for my girlfriend?

(Good idea. There’s also a funeral parlor we can recommend for you)

  • Can you give me a list of all the ATMs in Paris?

(Ask any French person in English – they’ll be happy to help)

  • Will you watch my pet while I’m away?

(I’m busy, but my hungry greyhound can watch it)

  • I’m coming to France for a holiday. I need the Embassy to book my hotel, and give me a list of the best places to check out while I’m there.

(May we also feed caviar into your mouth as you sleep?)

  • Can I book a honeymoon for me, my bride and my mother?

(And psychiatrist?)

  • Can you give me list of all the ATMs in Paris?

(Only happy to help – I’ll give it to whoever wipes your bottom every day)

  • Do we need to be twins to have twin bedding?

(Unfortunately, yes)

  • Can I carry weapons on the plane?

(If you like meeting new federal police officers, of course!)

  • Can you block the seat next to me on the plane so I can stretch out?

(Yes sir, the baggage area has plenty of room)

When we can finally resume travelling freely it doesn’t hurt to think of the embassy and airport staff who maintain a brave smile under the most trying conditions.

And if we have a question that we suspect may be stupid – we can get someone else to ask for us.

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